In Episode 8 Amadon DellErba delves deeper into what it means to “get real” in his exploration of what it means to “drop the facade”. What masks do we wear, consciously or unconsciously, to appear how we think we should be? Or how we think others want us to be?
Our culture, particularly in the Western world, praises material success, beauty, youth, and a do-it-yourself mentality that is unsustainable and fosters arrogance, competition, selfishness and a false sense of identity. Amadon discusses the spiritual issues behind our facades and shares from personal experience how we can find and embrace our true God-given unique personalities through honesty, humility and correction. Truly successful people are raw, real and courageous with their emotions, which are sometimes messy and unpleasant. Amadon explores the spiritual principles of vulnerability and the desire for correction that free us from negative thinking patterns that keep us in bondage.
In a culture of success, you will find that good leaders break down the facades. In a culture of success you will find that good leaders don't have facades. They're raw and they're real.
“Nothing You Do Matters Unless What You Do Matters”
I’m Amadon DellErba and this is “Get Real or Die Trying”
Hey tribe, how are we doing today? Amadon DellErba here this is “Get Real or Die Trying.”
“Nothing you do matters unless what you do matters.”
Welcome to episode eight. Today I'm talking about “Drop the Facade.” Hmm. What does that mean, facade? Well, apparently not even Google can tell you what it means.
Watch this. [speaking into cellphone] Define facade.
“Here's the definition of facade. The face of a building, especially the principal front that looks onto a street or open space.
What they fail to tell you is that it is also, “an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or credible reality. Example in context, her flawless public facade, masked private despair.”
So facades, man, we all got facades. I do. You do. If you don't think you do, you probably do. Drop the facade. What does it mean to have a facade? What does it mean to not be real? What does it mean to not know who we are? You know, for me, I am always discovering more of myself and so I would be a fool to think that I am completely developed in my knowledge and my wisdom and my personality, and in my experience day to day. And I would be a fool to think I was complete.
However, I would also be a fool to not recognize my own God-given personality, who I am, what I do know, what I've experienced, and to develop my sense of personality around who I am. So finding the balance between self-confidence and awareness of personality, and insecurity and maintaining a facade, finding that balance is something that we all have to do each and every day whether we realize we have to do it or not. That's why I want to talk about it because I think many of us, especially in America, Western culture, have to go around all day pretending like we're somebody else. We have to go around all day, putting on smiles, putting on masks, and acting like we are better than we are smarter than we are, whatever it is we want to act like or acting like we are stupid and we are acting like we don't know what's going on because we don't want to take accountability and responsibility to grow up and do things in life and, and be efficient and proficient and proactive.
And so the facade, you know, I get a lot of humor out of this because I've met so many people who, I see them, and I see who they could be, and I see who they want to be, and I see who they currently are maintaining and pretending to be. I don't say this with judgment or self righteousness. Maybe someone out there is saying this about me right now, but I say it because somebody...
Part of the problem is that nobody in this culture wants to be a confronter. Nobody wants to speak the truth. People want to walk around and stay in the Lala land and pretend that it's all good, that we’re all okay. “You do your thing. I do my thing. Touché” You know and that really doesn't work because in an environment of growth, in an environment of succeeding, in an environment of trying to get things done and change yourself, change others, and to make a mark on time in history, make a mark on the day (just start with the day) Try and do something in the day and get it done.
It doesn't work. You can pretend, but it doesn't work. In a culture of success, you will find that good leaders break down the facades. In a culture of success you will find that good leaders don't have facades. They're raw and they're real, and it takes courage to be raw and real because raw and real can be jagged, it can be impulsive, it can be opinionated, it can flip over words, it can be offensive.
And then you have the people who walk around maintaining the perfect facade. They speak in these nice monotone voices. They never use explicits. They never offend anybody. They're very aware of what they say. They don't, inpart too much truth or too much absolutes or things that might offend somebody. And they like to act like they have their act together and they speak in these beautiful, roundabout ways of who they are, and what they're doing, and it's always positive.
Behind the closed doors: they're complaining, they're angry, they're upset, they're depressed. They're not complete human beings. And every day they put on the literal makeup of facade, they put on the act and then go out into the world. Hey, I can do it. We all can do it each and every day. I'm guilty. I'm out here trying to say that I'm perfect. I'm saying we need to get real.
What is realness? What is it to drop the facade? Let's talk about the spiritual principle of vulnerability, the spiritual principle of correction. Because I think that people have a facade on, and I think that people maintain fakeness and like a fake reality around them because they avoid vulnerability and they avoid correction. Correction from their loved ones, their coworkers, from God, from “the universe” if you want to say that. (The universe was created by God… whatever) If you want to say, whatever, correction from a bird that flies by, it takes a sh*t on your head. They avoid reality. And so, again, I can do this too.
Vulnerability and correction forces you to be real. And so you can't walk around and have an awkward laugh and, “haha. It's all good” and have the fake hug, and when someone asks you how you're doing, it's always good, and you're always positive, and you're always saying these things. You're preventing a beautiful moment of connection from happening with whoever you're talking with there.
You haven't seen your friend for a few months and you see them and you have the facade on and you're not being real because you want to appear like you're successful and you have it together and you're cool and you're stable and you're successful. Well, what you're doing there is you're just maintaining the fake reality. You're not being real. What if you say, “Hey man, it's really good to see you. I haven't seen you in a long time. I've been struggling, man. I've been struggling to make ends meet. I feel like a failure. I'm making a lot of mistakes. I don't feel like I can do things right. It's hard to pay rent. My girlfriend's mad at me. I'm trying every day, but something's not clicking, and I'm struggling.”
When you don't do that and you're not real, you prevent the opportunity for that person to aid you, to assist you, to minister to you, to be a comrade in that moment. Because if you're like, “Aha, I’m doing so good, man, I'm just... life is great, my girlfriend's great. I'm feeling confident. My work is great.” Great! And they're like, “Oh great, that's cool. Great.” And they don't have a desire then to connect with you, to have an intimate connection to help you. You don't have a desire to say anything. You're doing great. You've already figured it out. Everything's wonderful. And that's the world.
That's why there's no, you know, that's the majority of the world right there. And that's why there's not a lot of growth because people are afraid of what they think is judgment. They're afraid of that friend of that person that they're going to be honest with, real with, and vulnerable with. They're afraid that they're going to be judged by them or maybe even corrected. Oh no! What if someone says, “Hey, what you're doing doesn't work and you got to change it up, man. Cut it out. Oh gosh. You know, we’re so afraid of “correction.”
Here's another really scary word: Authority. Authority. You see in the world without spiritual context, people don't have any authority in their lives except for in the workplace, which is usually the boss or the supervisor. They only submit to that authority because they have to. They have to, they’re a “prisoner.” They have to submit to it. They hate it. They say, okay, yes, sir. Boss turns. ”Nyeah!” He turns his back. They're flipping him off. They're cussing to themselves. They hate him. Y’know that's millions of people in this world.
So that's their representation and their idea of authority in life, but when you start living life with more spiritual-, spiritualized-principles and a mindset of self- growth, self-awareness, self-analysis, self-confidence, self-accountability, when you start living a life like that, you begin to yearn proper spiritual direction and authority in your life. “Ooh, authority.” It just doesn't… People hate that word.
What is the authority? Well, the best way I can describe it is when somebody goes on a spiritual journey and they're looking for a teacher, they're looking for a guru. You know, it's not uncommon in Western cultures to find the guru and say, teach me, master, teach me. I want to grow. That's not uncommon (I'm sorry) in Eastern cultures. In Western culture, it's... Throw the bird. “I'm out of the house at 18, no one can tell me anything, and no one can teach me anything. I can figure it all out myself. Don't try and teach me. I'm an adult. I'm grown up. I know what I'm doing.” Pretty much.
We as human beings will need mentors and spiritual elders our entire life. All the way to our deathbed. There's always going to be someone above us who has more spiritual wisdom. Why do they have more wisdom than us? Because they're more real. Because they've allowed themselves to suffer in their life. They dropped the facade a long time ago. They suffered. They were helped. They've helped themselves. They're real. They don't avoid conflict. They have more wisdom. They can help you grow. They can help me grow. That's the spiritual elder.
The facades of life, man. I love California. It's like going and watching a movie; a comedy. Just go to like the boardwalk, you know, and just, oh, it's so entertaining. I mean, I honestly, every time in California I can just sit at a park bench on the boardwalk at any of the beaches and just... I'm not saying that it's entertaining because the people watching, it's entertaining because of the fakeness. It's like I'm watching reality TV. I mean, everyone is just in their own self-absorbed world and they have their own facade and they're all fake and they're walking around. (I'm not saying all, I'm not saying everybody in California, there's good people too. You know what I'm saying?) But man, it is funny. These people walking up to you and they're speaking in their accents and they're acting like... They're acting. And you can just tell like, this person doesn't know who they are. They don't know their soul purpose. They don't know their destiny. They're out of touch with their higher self. They don't know where they're from, where they're going, who they want to be. They're caught in that relativity; caught in relativity.
Relativity makes your body weak. It atrophies your soul. Relativity atrophies your soul, you know? And so. Absoluteness is like pumping iron, and so, I want to be someone who's pumping iron and I want to be a strong, absolute soul. I want my soul body to be ripped. I mean, forget the Venice beach muscle beach guys or other pumping literal iron. Look, I mean, I think it's great to be in shape and to be strong, but I've always said better to work out the weights of spiritual values. To pump the iron of humility, to pump the iron of honor, to pump the iron of vulnerability.
You know, if people spent as much time on their spiritual growth as they do in the gym on their physical bodies. Imagine the world we’d be living in. There’d be ascended masters, walking around everywhere. I mean (it's not quite that easy, but you know what I mean) I mean, hours and hours and dedication and research and some of them, it’s really good, I'm not saying that you shouldn't exercise your body, but the amount of time and the emphasis on it. Imagine if we put that same type of dedication into working out and refining our spiritual physique, our spiritual bodies. And we see life as those challenges. We see challenges in life as the iron that we're pumping. We see obstacles as the iron that we pump. We see overcoming lower nature, overcoming weakness in us as getting stronger and developing those muscles. You know, I want the muscles of steadfastness and commitment and humility and faith and trust and long suffering. I want those muscles. How do you get those muscles by being real. When you're fake, you're spiritually atrophied. You're walking around like a weak thing. You know, you're just not even real.
So, how can you go about your day correcting yourself? If you don't want corrections from others, all right, start with self-correction. When you find yourself being fake or maintaining the facade, somebody asks you how you're doing and you're feeling like sh*t. Then tell them the truth. Don't lie. Don't pretend. Don't tell them how great your life is and how well you're doing if you're not. Just be real. Because when you're real, you give them the opportunity to nourish you, to help you, to inspire you.
You see, it's actually self-inflicting wounds when you're fake because you're cutting off the possibility of food. That's the way I look at it. Spiritual food, emotional food, mental food. And it's exhausting to maintain the facade and I speak from experience. There's times when I've done it and maybe I still do it at times, I'm not even aware, and we're all in this together, learning, making mistakes. I can be real and say that I've walked around and acted like I was great when I wasn't great. But for me, it's more like I wear my emotions on my shoulder too much. You know?
There's a balance between having to get up and do what needs to get done in the day and have responsibility and be a man and not fall apart either. I'm not saying that, I'm just saying be real. I mean, be real. It's the simplest way I can say it.
You know, living in the Lala land and living on the beach and, “it's all good,” and “everything's good man,” and “we’re doing great, bro, and it’s good, man, it's just so good. Everything's good, man. I'm gonna go hit a swell. Just gonna get shredded, bro.” You know that's great, for a few hours of the day. It's great to enjoy that, but that's self-absorption. That consciousness times millions of people all over the world, especially in America, that consciousness of self absorption and fakeness is what's wrong with the world and what's preventing global consciousness shift.
Okay, so key points here:
Get real, because by being real, you welcome the aid, the assisting, the love, the encouragement, the nourishment, and the ministering of others. When you're fake, nobody gets real with you. So get real so you can receive that. I mean, it's actually a benefit. To receive that and receive correction.
Two, when you're real, then you're more able to help others. Service-oriented, other-oriented, high spiritual values here, you know, less self-absorbed. The whole world is self-absorbed. Does anyone in your day say, “Hey Jason, you're self absorbed.” “Hey you, you're self absorbed.” Nobody does. Well, I'm telling you, you're self absorbed. I'm self-absorbed. My wife told me I was yesterday. I was in my head, brooding. She said, quit being self-absorbed. I loved it. The reason why she can say that to me is because I'm real. The reason she can say it is because she's real. I welcome the feedback. I want it.
Point three, the facade of, our being’s pride; ego. We want to appear a certain way. We always want to appear that we have it together. That we’re so smart, that we’re so knowledgeable, we're so wise, we're so ascended, we're so perfect, and that... Anyone who has actually suffered and gone through the fires and come out the other side, they spot those people and they know they're full of sh*t. They know that they're not someone who's real.
And so, you know, I don't know how to put it other than just, you know, ask yourself, do you have a facade? I ask myself when I do, what kind, what is it? What is the veneer? My clothes don't make me. My jewelry doesn't make me. My long hair doesn't make me. That's not who I am. Who I am is my heart and my soul, my passion, my personality. I had the thought the other day, maybe I should just shave my head like a monk. That's why monks do it. That's why they wear one color robes, to just dismiss vanity. To not have that. I'm not saying I'm going to shave my head. Maybe I should though. If my hair becomes more important to me than my love and my words and my actions, and my image is more important to me, maybe I should.
I like nice things. My personality is one that likes refined things and I like to express my personality through clothes and jewelry. Many people do, some people don't, but if I cross over into vanity too much, if I cross over into ego, then I'm not being real and I have to take a step back. So this process isn't like all of a sudden overnight you wipe the facade off and you're real and you never have to do it again. It's a process of being aware and keeping yourself in check throughout your life.
We get ahead of ourselves. Things change. We start making a little money. You're doing great at your job. You start getting respect. You start getting recognition. “Oh, I'm an Instagram influencer... Oh, 450,000 followers. I can make a post and get all these likes. Everybody's telling me how smart I am and, oh, people are paying me to promote their products. I'm an influencer.” You know what's funny is that, I always thought that a strong person was someone who couldn't be influenced by others. Here we are in a world where everybody wants to be an influencer to influence others, and a bunch of sheeple being influenced. It's pretty funny.
So that's it guys. This is “Get Real or Die Trying.” I'm Amadon DellErba. Drop the facade. Go about your day. Be more raw. Be more real. Be more loving. Be more humble. Don't be afraid to be confident. Don't be afraid to take correction. Don't be afraid to give correction. And don't be an influencer; be a doer.
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"Get Real or Die Trying with Amadon DellErba" is a production of Global Change Media.
And remember: "Pain is Temporary. Victory is Eternal."